I can't stop long because I've got to get back to the ranch on time for this big party Georgie's having. I'm extremely pissed off that I had to come back to the UK at all - bloody terrorists.

And anyway, why the hell didn't those morons in my government just use one of my 'doubles' to appear on TV and speak? It's not like anyone really listens to what I say anyway. I don't blame them. It's probably a load of crap. I don't know, I don't listen to it either.

I just wanted to stop by and tell you all something.

I have thought about this long and hard and I have realised that what the terrorists want is to make us feel scared. They want us to be frightened.

I know that is a lot to take in - it came as quite a revelation to me, but I believe it is true.

The only answer to these attacks on our country is for us to carry on as normal, go about our business, show no fear (even if you are terrified and have to take 1 million mgs of valium every day to hide it) and just ignore it. It's like being at school. If you are bullied, you should always just ignore it. The bullies will get bored eventually and all go away.

The same is true of terrorists.

Believe me. I am telling the truth.

Bye! Have a nice day y'all!

Umm...can anyone help me with this?

I just went out for a stroll around the local park and I heard some people talking about "what happened in London last week."

Did something big happen in London last week? I can't tell - people are always saying things like that and usually it turns out to be, like, some pop star was seen or something. That's why I'm interested - if, like, Britney Spears was seen in London last week I really wish someone had told me about it in advance so that I could have tried to pick her up welcomed her to our country.

I don't know, though, it sounded like they were talking about bombs going off or something...? I didn't hear anything about that.

Obviously I'd know if something like that had happened... I just wondered if anyone could clarify it for me. It's a bit awkward when you're supposed to be running the country and you don't even hear about these things. You know, like, a few weeks later, some other Prime Minister or whatever asks you about it and you have no idea what they're talking about.

Anyone?

I *wipes away tear* am in the middle of watching 'Fahrenheit 9/11' and it is moving me so deeply that I feel I must make a public statement here.

I AM SO SORRY.

I didn't realize at the time, when Georgie said he wanted us to go to war with Iraq, that he actually meant war as in fighting and killing people. I thought he was talking about a video game.

I like video games, so of course I said "yes, the UK will be a part of the coalition of the willing." I thought that was the name 'our' team was going to use in the game.

As much as I respect, admire and am in love with Georgie, I do feel a little hurt that he never corrected me on this. I do accept, though, that this may be because he did not really know what he meant himself in the first place.

I have not seen much TV news or read many newspapers for the last couple of years, so it was only when I began watching this film that I realised what it was about and what I had been involved in. I am glad I got this film - I thought it was going to be about the weather, which is why I bought it in the first place. As I am sure many of you will know, we Brits are obsessed with the weather. I was really looking forward to watching this film.

Now, I am just in tears. It has ruined my whole evening in fact. I expect it will take at least 4 hours for me to get over this.

I would like to offer a public apology to Iraq and the people that live there. I realize that probably none of them read my journal here, but it is the best I can do. I cannot think of any other way to put my message across. If I could go on TV and make a statement I would, but obviously only people of importance can do that.

I AM SO SORRY.

Right. That's that done. Actually, I feel a bit better already, knowing that this statement will probably make everyone forgive me. It will perhaps even make people feel sorry for me. It is a terrible thing to have done something like that without your knowledge, but I will try not to complain too much about it.

Cool. I think I'll watch Blue Velvet next. (that's not about another war I was involved in is it??)